On My Own
by Goddess Isa
Summary: Buffy gets a Christmas gift from Angel.....yeah because I'll tell you more


**TITLE: On My Own  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Buffy gets a Christmas gift from Angel.....yeah because I'll tell you more  
SPOILER: SLIGHT S4 Buffy/S1 ANGEL  
DISTRIBUTION: Sandee, of course - My site - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com - Crystal and Butterfly if they want it - A Soul's Redemption - Anyone else - sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)  
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P  
RATING: TV-PG - angst, angst, angst! Happy holidays!  
DISCLAIMER: Xander is mine and everyone else belongs to Joss. Okay, Joss may've given our dear Xand life, but he lives at my house, he eats when I tell him to eat, and he even kissed my toes the other day. It's great having him around g  
DEDICATION: Thanks to Garnet, for the wonderful gift ideas, and Sandee, just because.   
  
  
  
"Buffy," Willow came into their dorm room with a large package in her hands. "Guess what just came?"   
  
"Lemme guess. More latkes from your mom? Or maybe some soup from your grandmother?"   
  
"It's for you," she set it on the floor in front of the Slayer. "Postmarked from LA."   
  
Buffy's Holiday Sulk turned into a huge grin. "From LA?! Really?!"   
  
"Open it. I'm late for a class."   
  
"Thanks, Will." she smiled appreciatively as her friend left.   
  
Buffy used her fingernail to cut through the tape and opened the box. Amid a lot of styrofoam packing peanuts was a box wrapped in simple Christmas tree paper and a card attached.   
  
She set the gift in her lap and carefully opened the card, not wanting to rip the envelope.   
  
And old-fashioned traditional Santa filling a tire with gifts decorated the front of the card. She opened it and instantly, tears filled her already puffy eyes.   
  
  
Buffy,   
  
Open the gift first.   
  
I know you won't, so I'll go on.   
  
I know you've always loved this song, and I thought of you instantly when I saw it. Maybe I'm wrong for saying this, but - Hell, I know I'm wrong for even sending you this. I just had to do it, Buffy. Somethings are too important to let slip by. Holidays are one of those few things.   
  
This is the thing I know I'm wrong for saying. I hope that whenever you hear this song, you'll think of me. Someday, maybe you'll give this to your daughter and tell her what it means to you.   
  
No, scratch that, leave me out of your future.   
  
Doesn't it piss you off the way I just try to make you forget I ever existed?? I piss myself off when I do it too.   
  
I hope you're doing well, Buffy. Cordelia and I are getting by as well as we can, for now. Thanks for the cards and even the cookies. They helped.   
  
I love you. -Angel.   
  
  
Buffy set the card on her nightstand and unwrapped the box carefully, not wanting to rip the paper. She opened the box and pulled out a beautiful wooden music box with a heart, stake, crossbow and halo carved into the lid. Her initials were inside the heart and she started to cry when she lifted the lid.   
  
She knew the music instantly and the lyrics floated through her mind as the song played. She wound it as far as the little key would go so it would play over and over and over. Lying down on her bed, she kissed the lid of the box before clutching it to her chest and closing her eyes.   
  
  
//On my own  
  
Pretending he's beside me   
  
All alone  
  
I walk with him 'till morning  
  
Without him  
  
I feel his arms around me  
  
And when I lose my way I close my eyes  
  
And he has found me   
  
  
In the rain  
  
The pavement shines like silver  
  
All the lights  
  
Are misty in the river  
  
In the darkness  
  
The trees are full of starlight  
  
And all I see  
  
Is him and me  
  
Forever and forever   
  
  
And I know it's only in my mind  
  
That I'm talking to myself  
  
And not to him  
  
  
And although I know  
  
That he is blind  
  
Still I say  
  
There's a way for us   
  
  
I love him  
  
But everyday I'm learning  
  
All my life  
  
I've only been pretending  
  
Without him, the world around me changes  
  
The trees are bare  
  
And everywhere  
  
The streets are full of strangers   
  
  
I love him  
  
But when the night is over   
  
He's gone  
  
The river's just a river  
  
Without me, his world will go on turning  
  
His world is full of happiness   
  
That I have never known   
  
  
I love him  
  
I love him  
  
I love him  
  
But only on my own\\  
**


End file.
